It’s been well over thirty years since the release of Weird Science. For those of you unfamiliar with the plot of the classic 80’s flick, it goes a little something like this: two high school nerds use highly questionable computational and engineering methods to build themselves the “perfect” woman. While I can’t speculate as to how close the global scientific community is to achieving the ends laid out by Gary and Wyatt in the film (most likely dangerously close), I can say that societally, we now have other means for building the “perfect” companion in our brains. Technology gives us the power to fill in the many blanks presented by the potential partners we come across.
The blanks exist because these would-be partners want it that way. Anyone who wants us to know more simply divulges to us to the information we seek. Yet we trudge on, stalking Facebook profiles, Instagram feeds, Spotify playlists etc. for anything we can find, determined to fall in love with who we think someone is. On top of that, we pair what we find with the tiny tangibles we are given to convince ourselves someone is “right” for us. Really, it’s what a person has resolutely and very selectively projected to us that we are so attracted to. Logic doesn’t seem to matter much in this arena. We know better. Despite sounder judgment, borderline-obsessive internet sleuthing in various degrees of severity persists in many of us. I must confess to it personally. While what we find isn’t always real, I’ve concluded that the feelings we generate in the process are.
With Valentine’s Day and the hit movie How To Be Single recently released in theaters, I’ve been contemplating my own single-dom. (First of all, do I really need a movie to teach me how to be single? I mean, I’m pretty much an expert.)
I think we all want to believe that in our friendships and relationships, we are these perfect, open-minded beings who handle criticism and differences of opinion with effortless ease and grace. I can speak from firsthand experience when I say I recently realized this was not the case in my life. Oops. While I pride myself in a very diverse group of friends (many of whom come from backgrounds in different countries and hold some core beliefs that do differ from mine) , I think the ones closest to me tend to agree with me a lot when it comes to my general actions. I know they aren’t afraid to tell me when something makes me look fat, argue for a different food option when the cuisine I suggests doesn’t sound appetizing, vehemently disagree with my opinions of certain celebrities’ level of attractiveness, or criticize/love a movie when I don’t (What do you mean you thought the 21 Jumpstreet film reboot sucked?! .)
My name is Radhika Raman, aka Masala Spice, aka the long lost 6th Spice Girl (not counting Michelle Stephenson, if you know about her.) Seriously, with this outfit, I woke up and thought to myself I think I’ll be a Spice Girl today. Because the Spice Girls kick ass and so do I.
Full disclaimer here: This is not a look I necessarily advocate for everyone. I think I get away with it because I am very conscious of what I am going for. I have no shame, and my darker skin tone allows me to pull off some of these brighter colors. That being said, really the only way to get away with something like this is confidence: you have to commit to it and own it. These are things the Spice Girls taught me how to do.
Readers, it’s hard for me to give you context to my dating life. I don’t even know where to begin. I guess the basics are as follows: 1. I’ve never been in a proper relationship, and most of the time I have zero “prospects” 2. The men I have dated (and “dated”) trended closer to 30 in age 3. I’m the recipient of catcalls and phone number requests from hoodlums and truck drivers, more so than any other groups 4. My parents are trying to marry me off at the moment, as I struggle with navigating the world of casual dating, online dating apps, and just wanting to be a boss b**** in my career and professional life. I think that describes a lot of women I know.
Specifically regarding number 3: I’m not someone nice, normal men seem to be instantly attracted to. While I do get asked out by strangers a fair amount, the strangers doing the asking are usually men I appear to have very little in common with at the surface. Naturally, this past week, when one of those nice normal guys put the moves on me so to speak, I was thrown for a loop! Here is how it went down: